Final Fantasy: Below the Belt files, Part 1
by Kayaka Letasuki
Summary: Just some of my rants and raves....not as good as my other fic, but hey, it WILL get better.


----Final Fantasy: The Below the Belt Files----  
  
I do not own any of the characters, blah blah blah...all that jazz. ^___^(Thanks for the reviews on my other ....fic.)  
  
Zell woke up with blurred vision and a full bladder. He crawled out of bed and stumbled down the hallway to the lavatory. Pushing the door open, he flipped on the light.  
  
"Aaaaaaaahh!!!!!!!" He squealed and tried to speak.....but no words came. There was Squall, sitting on the can, his knuckles white from grasping onto the toilet.  
  
"Must.........defeat...........this..........." He mumbled. Zell, whose eyes were now wide-open, held onto the door tightly.  
  
"Uhh.......uh.........Fight that evil beast out!" He bolted out of the bathroom, forgetting to shut the door. Stampeding down the hall, he managed to wake many fellow SeeDs up as he flew by.  
  
"Oy, Zell......calm down! I had a rought night!" Some guy yelled.  
  
"Sorry!" He skidded into his room and cowered beneath his blanket, shaking and rocking back and forth, 'the Dance of Neglect'. "Mommy...." He whimpered.  
  
~Next Morning~  
  
Irvine was sauntering down to the Cafeteria for some breakfast, when he caught sight of Selphie in line. Adjusting his hat, and pretty much in all real pain from his chaps, he made his way over to her.  
  
"Hey Sefie." He winked. "What's on your agenda for today?" Selphie turned to him, grinning madly.  
  
"Dougnuts! They have....DOUGHNUTS!" She squeaked and grabbed about twenty-five of them. "I love these...." She scampered off to her table, leaving Irvine there, alone and confused. Suddenly, his cell phone began to ring to the tune of 'Im too sexy'   
  
"Erm, Hello?" He blushed as the whole cafeteria looked his way, disapproving looks from the teachers at that.  
  
"I want your sexy boday." A low, husky voice said." Come to my room, now." Irvine shuddered.  
  
"W......w....who are you?!" He demanded. "And how did you get my cell number?!" He panicked, looking for one of his friends. Selphie was chatting away with her other buds from Garden Committee, Zell was begging for hot dogs, Quistis was reading that paper and drinking coffee from......  
  
"IHOP coffee? mmmmmm......Wait!" He stopped drooling. Seifer and the crew were patroling the Caf., yelling at first year SeeDs. "Squall......." He said under his breath. "But why would he do that?" Shrugging, he decided to go see if Squall was the culprit, so he could rape him...Not literally.  
  
Biting his newly manicured nails, Irvy knocked on Squalls door.   
  
"What?!" Came the sharp reply.  
  
"I....uh.....I...just.....wanted to know if you called me?" He whimpered.  
  
"Why would I call you? I don't even LIKE you. I mean, well...." Squalls voice got shaky. "As a friend. Ew! Irvine! You..."  
  
"No, no....just. I got an anonymous call from someone, and I couldn't tell who it was. That's all." Irvy cowered behind the door.  
  
"Well, go find an anonymous guy and terrorize him then! Gees, just leave ME ALONE!" The door shook and Irvine bolted away, almost in tears.  
  
~At The Cafeteria~  
  
"Wow. I never thought tha-" Quistis was interrupted by Zell, who came floating past her. "Zell, what on earth are you doing.....floating?"  
  
"It was her!" He pointed angrily at Rinoa, who was looking at her hand like it was a mystery.  
  
"Her?" Quistis adjusted her glasses. "Zell, Rinoa doesn't know her nose from her mouth, much less how to cast any magic. Poor excuse for a Sorceress, if you ask me. I don't know why on earth Ultimecia would have chosen her, it-"  
  
"Okay! I get it!" He went sailing by again. "Then how do you explain THIS one, Quis?" As he watched her, he didn't realize he was headed straight for......  
  
"Zell! Gross! Dude, no!" Zell had landed gracefully in Irvine's arms. "Get away!" He whined and shook his beautiful locks. Zell hopped out of Irvines arms and fixed his jacket.  
  
"Dude.....what are you trying to do?! Molester me?!...That makes me feel...dirty..." Zell winked. "I...Like dirty."  
  
Irvine shudered. "Not today, Zell." Zell cackled evily.  
  
"Hey guys." Squall came shuffling out into the cafeteria, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. "Has anyone seen my pants?"  
  
More to come........... 


End file.
